How To Be Unstuckable.

Or to sit in solemn stuckness.

While I don’t suffer from “writer’s block” in how I understand it traditionally (not having ideas to put on the page), I do find other fun ways to get stuck and hate myself. Which is what I’ve been doing for the last two weeks while I contemplate this installment. Ideas that felt fresh and brilliant moments ago transform to cliché, embarrassing, or gross without warning.

This is why I have a sticky note on my desk that says, “I will not self-reject.” I took a picture of that sticky note and made it the background of my phone because I don’t always write from my desk (work from bed for life). When I’m feeling bummed about what I’m working on the first thing I reach for is my stupid phone so I can compare myself to all the people that are doing very well and just woke up like that (well-read, smart, and nice-smelling). Which is when I’ll see this:

Ceci n’est pas un Post-it.

This mantra has been working incredibly well for me. It convinces me to submit with minimal hand-wringing so editors can do their job (reject/accept) and I can continue to do mine (make stuff and show it to people). But it’s not foolproof when I’m working on something that I self-publish. It’s impossible not to self-reject when I’m working on this newsletter. 

Since I learned the very basics of writing, I’ve used it as a processing tool. Today, the writing I put in front of people is usually processing an event, a cultural happening, something I learned, and/or my anxiety. For this installment, I had several ideas— my millennial relationship to skinny jeans, who mid-westerners are and are not, why the word “wife” makes me uncomfortable. And while each of these felt fun and fresh to work on for the first few passes, eventually, my brain said, “This is bad. No one wants to read this.” (If any of these sound like things you do want to read, know they will live in this newsletter one day).

Logically, I know that voice is full of shit, but emotionally/mentally, I did not have the capacity to overcome that voice in these last two weeks. This has been a great thing for me to learn— that it takes time and energy for me to push against this lying voice in my head and “pushing through” is not always the best course of action for me. Sometimes I need to let something rest. Sometimes that thing is me. Sometimes there’s something else I should be writing.

Maybe if this van just needs the right mantra. (Photo by Aubrey Odom on Unsplash).

So a few nights ago, while stressing over missing another self-imposed deadline that no one would know I missed except for me and feeling like a real trash human, I decided to do the thing I always do: Write about the thing I’m obsessing over (being stuck), how hard it is, how it’s funny and dumb, and how it’s forcing me to grow. 

So here’s a short list of some things that would help me if I did them, and a diagnosis of the things I’m doing that are probably not helping me, but change is hard and baked goods are tasty.

When struggling with a piece of writing/other creative practice…

Here’s what YOU (a smart, worthy, funny person with very good ideas worth sharing) should do:

• Write about the piece instead of writing the piece. A diary entry or a letter/email to a friend about what you’re writing about often helps you better understand what you’re writing about. This is a killer tip I picked up from genius with cool hair, Elissa Bassist and should consider using once in my life.

• Go for a walk. I do this one sometimes, but not as often as would be helpful. Getting outside is good for this bag of bones and the weirdo brain inside it.

• Seek feedback from others. Writing groups, former classmates, or your cat are all great options here. Trusted outside eyes are priceless, and yet, if you don’t have anyone to ask, there are people who will charge money for this service!

• Find some good input. Caitlin Kunkel, a smart and kind writer who writes Input-Output, talks about how the right input (books, podcasts, shows, movies, etc) can inspire your output (writing, other creative content). I should definitely listen to this advice instead of scrolling Instagram, but I love self-sabotage and impulse purchasing.

Here’s what I (a stupid dumb dumb who only has trash ideas and no value to add to society¹) do:

• “Keep going”. This is a nice way of saying I open the document where my bad sentences live and stare at them, willing them to be better. There’s a lot of sighing, striking through, and checking instagram involved in this tactic.

• Have a lil’ snack. There’s a bakery next door to my house and I’ve recently entered first-name territory with the staff. 

• Start four more pieces. This is great, because why settle for one piece you can’t finish when you could have five pieces that prove you’re very bad at this.

• Read other people’s work and think about how good they are and how I am not that. 

• Have a lil’ snack. There’s also a drugstore down the block for when I’m craving one Oreo (which is a row of Oreos).

• Take a nap. The cat prefers this option over me reading my work to her.

• Read a published piece I wrote and think about how okay it is and if the editor practices “pity publishing”.

• Shop for wide-legged jeans (but never purchase them). 

• Have a lil’ snack. The coffee shop is only down the street.

• Be very distracted and fill in the “What distracted me today” portion of my writing tracker. 

It’s hard to remember that I am not my stuckness. But it’s very easy for me to tell you that you are not your stuckness. Funny how that works. We are not our stuckness (stucknesses?). We are just sometimes stuck. And that’s fine. Maybe we can find something while we’re stuck here that will be useful for the eventuality of our unstuckness.

May we all look this charming when we’re stuck (Photo from Annie Spratt on Unsplash).

What do you do when things you love get challenging? Share your secrets!

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Other updates:

• I went from having two pieces published in January to submitting zero pieces in February! Follow me for more tips on consistency! In truth, I’ve had a lot of inspiration this month, but I slowed down on submission to seek professional help.

• That professional help was not therapy, but a meeting with a writer whose work I admire. We went over two pieces I’ve been stuck on and in addition to some killer edits, I received some excellent tips on self-editing and making my pieces better. It is very awkward to reach out to writers I like and awkward-er still to meet with them 1-on-1 because my resting social state is “uncomfortable being perceived”, but it has made my writing and writing community stronger.

• Did y’all see that both the New York Times and The Daily Show covered my place of work after I wrote about it? I don’t know why they’re so obsessed with me, but they did a pretty nice job.

• I’m going to start teaching virtual restorative yoga again! If you’re interested, sign up here. Feel free to reach out with questions. “Grown-up nap time” is not an wholly incorrect description of this practice, so if you’re someone that has a hard time making time to relax, it could be a nice fit.

1. Because I have delightful and kind friends who read this newsletter, I should say that I don’t REALLY feel like I’m a stupid dumb dumb who only has trash ideas and no value to add to society. Sometimes insulting myself like a child might helps me understand how absurd it is to feel that way about myself.